By 2am my grandmother was already shaking her awake. The lorry, sixteen wheels, tall as a house, wouldn’t arrive until 5am, but timing it right across so many households near the water was never simple, especially with the flood water rising fast. My mother would wait in the dark and cold, half-asleep, until it was time to go. School didn’t start till 7.30am, but they’d already be there by 6am, napping on benches until the gates opened. Afterward came the cleaning, the ruined chairs, the tables, the small sentimental things the water simply took. It was enough to make a young girl swear she’d move to a city one day, and never live like this again.
At two, she lost her mother to a trick and a lie. By twenty, she lost her own wedding to someone else’s plan. In between and after, she learned to survive by being useful, agreeable, impressive, anything to avoid feeling unwanted again. A Mercedes they couldn’t afford, a country club they couldn’t justify, a smile that rarely cracked even when it should have. Now, in her later years, there’s still time to say the words she’s waited a lifetime to hear: Mom, I appreciate you in my life.
A mother’s greatest legacy is not what she leaves behind for her children, but what she builds within them. In that respect, my mother has left us a priceless gift.
At 85, my mother carries a lifetime of quiet courage. Two stories define her. She travelled to Germany over 50 years ago and came back the first woman in her family to wear pants and cut her hair short. Then an electric shock from a faulty heater damaged her nerves and left her with lifelong spinal problems. When she could not bend at all, she learned to pick up a needle with her toes. Change and resilience, in equal measure.
By the time we were all grown, her hands had become worn and wrinkled from years of labour. Yet, she never expressed regret. She would say she had lived a meaningful life. She did not regret marrying my father, leaving her hometown, or coming to Singapore alone without family or friends.
He remained in the Optical Maintenance Platoon for 22 years, rising through the ranks to Warrant Officer II. The years in the army instilled in him discipline, perseverance and a habit of systematic planning. My dad often proudly displayed the many awards and medals received through his tenure.