At 85, my mother carries a lifetime of quiet courage. Two stories define her. She travelled to Germany over 50 years ago and came back the first woman in her family to wear pants and cut her hair short. Then an electric shock from a faulty heater damaged her nerves and left her with lifelong spinal problems. When she could not bend at all, she learned to pick up a needle with her toes. Change and resilience, in equal measure.
My mom is 85 years old. She is currently living in a retirement home in India. She and my dad moved to the retirement home in 1999 but my dad passed away in 2025 at the age of 93. My mom has had an interesting life by Indian standards. She was born in an affluent but conservative family in rural India – the 6th out of 9 siblings with 4 doting brothers. Thus, she grew up in a protected environment but ended up in an arranged marriage to my dad who happened to be an engineer.
There are 2 significant events that my mom shares with me and my siblings all the time – and which sort of define her life.
The first was when my dad got the opportunity to train in Germany not long after I was born. I have no memory of this but apparently my dad went alone and after a little while arranged for my mom to come over. It was a traumatic but exciting event for her – travelling to a foreign land…on a plane! She was stopped at customs for the spices she was carrying but could not explain what they were because of her limited English. She stayed there for a year but came back a changed person. She became the 1st woman in her family to wear pants and cut her hair short! The stay in Germany was more than 50 years ago but she talks about it all the time – like she was there over the previous weekend. Guess it made a lasting impression on her and am sure she is very proud of herself for many reasons. And the experience probably taught her how to adapt and prepared her to move to different cities with my dad over the years.
The second is her unfortunate accident which has probably had a lasting lifelong impact on her. For as long as I can remember, she has suffered from spinal problems and has had multiple operations. Her back problems have limited her mobility, and I have seen her suffer from aches over the years. I did not know the root cause but my mom now relates an incident which she says was the genesis of it. Seems she was in the bathroom and got an electric shock from a faulty heater. She says the doctors were amazed that she was still alive but then the shock impacted her nerves and led to the back problems. These problems continue till today and now she is almost bed-ridden. But she learnt to live with it. I remember once when she could not bend at all, she learnt to pick up even a needle with her toes! Now that is adaptation at its best.
So my mom’s stories are about change and resilience. Change is scary but I only need to look at my mom to get inspiration on how to adapt and get on with it. May she continue to meet her future challenges with the same strength and can-do attitude.