Author: Hsieh Xinyu 謝欣妤
Characteristics and memories:
She had short, curly hair, was not tall, had adorably soft, sagging cheeks, and loved wearing red-purple clothing. She always let me eat lots of stir-fried water spinach. In winter, she would prepare a whole pot of soup, along with my favorite dishes and hot-pot ingredients.
Inspiration:
My grandma was the first person who made me feel completely loved and warmly cared for. It wasn’t that my parents didn’t treat me well, but children naturally don’t like being scolded. Grandma was the elder in the family who never scolded me. Instead, she cared for my immature younger self with endless love and warmth. When I was in kindergarten, because my family was busy with work, Grandma was almost always the one who came to pick me up after school. Before I entered the first year of junior high, about half of my time was filled with memories of being with her.
I still remember how, when Grandma helped me bathe as a child, just before I stepped out of the bathroom, she would soak a towel in warm water and gently place it over my shoulders. Even though she was already quite old, she bent over again and again to take care of me, afraid that I might catch a cold. Grandma was also the perfect example of “there’s a kind of hunger called Grandma being afraid you’ll be hungry.” What impressed me most was that many times, when I casually mentioned liking a certain food after taking just one bite, the very next day when I went back to Grandma’s house for a meal, she would be carrying a big bag filled with the foods I had casually said I liked. Even if I told her it wasn’t necessary, she would insist on stuffing them into my hands or continue stuffing them into me the next day. Thinking about it now, it still feels like a happy kind of burden.
Grandma remembered everything I liked to eat. Every evening when we returned to Grandma’s house for dinner, the dining table was already filled with dishes. But she would always wait until we arrived before stir-frying the water spinach, just so we could eat our favourite dish hot and freshly cooked. In winter, Grandma would prepare a black induction cooker with a pot of broth, surrounded by hot-pot ingredients and a big basket of crown daisy. It was also because of Grandma that I grew to love eating crown daisy. Every winter, whenever I went back for dinner, I would rush to see whether there was crown daisy that day. Grandma also remembered that I was a child who absolutely loved clams. Sometimes when I went back to her house, she would bring out a metal bowl filled entirely with shelled clam meat and give the whole bowl to me to eat. During Lunar New Year, relatives often brought large bags of clams to Grandma’s house. Grandma would stir-fry them with soy sauce and other seasonings. Whatever she made, it was always incredibly fragrant. As soon as a plate of stir-fried clams was set on the table, everyone would stop what they were doing and rush to grab some.
There are so many memories like these. Although I can no longer remember all the details clearly, whenever something similar happens in daily life, the memories instantly come rushing back. The moment I learned that Grandma had passed away, I cried for a very, very long time. That day, I didn’t dare to sleep alone when I got home. Even now, whenever I think of Grandma, I almost always end up sobbing. Even writing this piece had to be done in two parts, because the first time I tried, I cried so hard that I couldn’t continue. To this day, I still don’t dare to stay in Grandma’s room, or any corner where she once stayed, or any place filled with memories of her, not because I dislike them, but because I truly cannot imagine how painful it would be if I thought about the memories we created together in those moments.
When Grandma was still alive, I didn’t understand anything. It was only after she passed away that I truly realized so many things. I became extremely afraid of losing people, and I began to cherish everything I currently have even more. I still have so many things I want to share with Grandma. I really want her to see that her granddaughter is now in her second year of university, studying far away in Taipei. I hope that the next time I meet Grandma in my dreams, I can tell her how much I miss her, and properly thank her for loving me so deeply when I was little. In my next life, I still want to be Grandma’s granddaughter, but you can’t leave me so early again, okay?
角色人物特徵、記憶點：有一頭捲捲的短頭髮、身高不高、有很可愛垂垂的肉、喜歡
穿紅紫色的衣服、可以讓我吃很多的炒空心菜、冬天都會準備一鍋湯冬天都會準備一
鍋湯還有我喜歡的菜和火鍋料
啟發： 我的外婆是第一個讓我感受到滿滿的愛和溫暖的人，並不是因為爸爸媽媽對我
不好，而是因為小孩子都不喜歡被罵，外婆就是那個在家人裡不會罵我的長輩，並且
用滿滿的愛以及溫暖來照顧當時不懂事的我，幼稚園時因為家裡的工作比較忙，幼稚
園下課時幾乎都是外婆來載我的，在國一之前一半的時間都是與外婆的回憶，還記得
小時候我的外婆再幫我洗澡實在要出浴前都會把毛巾沾濕溫熱水批在我的肩上，明明
已經年紀很大了卻要這樣一直彎著腰照顧我深怕我會著涼感冒，我的外婆也是典型的
「有一種餓是阿罵怕你餓」，我非常印象深刻的是有很多食物是我吃第一口時隨口說說
我喜歡，隔天回外婆家吃飯時外婆就會提著一大袋的我隨口說說喜歡的食物給我，跟
他說不用他還會硬塞不然就是隔天再繼續塞的那種喔！現在想想還是覺得好幸福的負
擔喔，外婆都記得我喜歡吃什麼，每個晚上回到外婆家吃飯時餐桌上都已經有一桌滿
滿的菜，但外婆都會等到我們到了才炒空心菜，就是因為為了想讓我們吃到喜歡的菜
是熱熱剛出爐的，外婆在冬天都會準備一個黑色的電磁爐加上一鍋高湯旁邊都是火鍋
料、一大籃茼蒿，因為外婆也讓我喜歡上吃茼蒿，每次冬天要回去吃飯時都會衝過去
看今天有沒有茼蒿，外婆也記得我是一個超級無敵喜歡吃蛤蜊的小孩，有時候回外婆
家時外婆就會端出一碗已經完全去好殼只有蛤蜊肉的鐵碗把那一整碗給我吃，過年時
親戚常常會帶著一大袋的蛤蜊回外婆家，外婆都會把那些蛤蜊炒成醬油等等反正很香
就是了！只要有一盤炒蛤蜊端上桌之後大家都會停下手邊的是搶著吃，還有好多好多
的回憶，這些回憶雖然沒有辦法把細節記得非常清楚，但只要在生活中的某個時刻做
到相似的事情回憶都會瞬間湧上，知道外婆去世的當下我哭了非常非常久，當天回家
也不敢自己一個人睡，到現在有時候想到外婆幾乎每次都會想到爆哭，就連現在打這
篇也是分了兩次打，因為第一次打的時候哭得太嚴重所以打不下去，我到現在還是不
敢待在外婆的房間、他待過的任何角落、跟他有任何回憶的地方，不是因為嫌棄，是
因為我真的沒有辦法想像我在當下想到那些跟外婆一起製造的回憶時會有多麽的難
過，外婆還在世的時候我什麼事情都不懂，但就在外婆去世後我才真正的意識到了非
常多事情，我也開始變得非常非常害怕失去，變得更珍惜我現在擁有的一切，我還又
好多事情想跟外婆分享，好想讓他看看他的孫女現在已經在讀大學二年級了還跑來遠
得要命的台北讀，希望下次跟外婆在夢裡見面的時候，我能告訴外婆我有多麽的想
他，也想好好的謝謝他在我小時候這麼的疼愛我，下輩子我還要當外婆的孫女！但不
能再那麼早就離開我了喔！