Author: Not Written
When Teacher Yu (Pei-Wen) was thirty-three, she got married and gave birth to her son, Xiao-Jie. At that time, she felt that she had a good job, a good family, and was a very fortunate person.
But the good times did not last. When Xiao-Jie was in Primary Two, he began blinking constantly, clearing his throat repeatedly, and making strange sounds. The doctor said that it was Tourette syndrome.
Old Yu (Teacher Yu’s husband) was at a rising stage in his career and under great pressure. Someone in the family always had to take Xiao-Jie to medical appointments and rehabilitation, while also facing the looks and judgments from the school and neighbours.
Teacher Yu made a firm decision and resigned from the teaching job she loved most.
She became a “full-time mother,” and her world shrank from a classroom to the four walls of her home.
One rainy night, Xiao-Jie’s symptoms flared up particularly badly. He shouted loudly in the living room and knocked over a cup on the table, shattering glass all over the floor.
Teacher Yu had not slept well for several days. Seeing the chaotic mess on the ground, the final string in her heart snapped. Her body shook uncontrollably, and she squatted on the floor, gasping for air.
At that moment, Old Yu happened to come home. Seeing the disorderly house, exhausted and irritated, he spoke harshly to her:
“Wife, can you control your emotions a bit? The child is watching!”
Teacher Yu did not say a single word. Her tears had already dried up. She pushed past Old Yu, walked straight into the bedroom, turned off the light, and lay down on the bed.
In that completely dark room, she felt overwhelming fear and helplessness.
In that loneliest, darkest moment, the first person Teacher Yu thought of was not her husband, but her mother.
She did not need to complain to her mother about Xiao-Jie’s illness, nor did she need to talk about her husband’s coldness. She simply wanted to hear that voice that always carried warmth.
With trembling hands, Teacher Yu dialled her mother’s number.
From the other end of the phone came her mother’s slightly hoarse voice:
“Hello? Why are you calling so late? Is it raining over there?”
Teacher Yu tried hard to speak, but it felt as if her throat were blocked. All she could manage were faint sobbing sounds.
Her mother did not ask what had happened. She simply listened quietly, and then gently said two sentences:
“Pei-Wen, if you’re tired, then rest. Go to sleep, my child. No matter how big the problem is, we’ll talk about it tomorrow.”
Hearing these two simple sentences, Teacher Yu suddenly felt a great weight lift from her heart. She felt as if she had returned to being that five-year-old little girl who could hide behind her mother. She hung up the phone, did not cry anymore, and closed her eyes in exhaustion.
That phone call did not solve any problems, but it gave Teacher Yu a “pause button.” She knew that no matter how chaotic the outside world was, no matter how heavy the door to her home felt, there was always a place, and a love, that would catch her unconditionally.
The next morning, Teacher Yu woke up. Although her eyes were still swollen, her heart was much calmer. She knew the road ahead was still long, and the difficulties would not disappear. But at least now, she had the strength to stand up again and first take good care of herself.
She walked out of the bedroom and saw Old Yu clumsily cleaning up the broken glass from the night before, while Xiao-Jie stood quietly nearby watching.
This time, she did not rush to help. She first walked into the kitchen and poured herself a cup of warm water. She decided that from today onward, she would slowly learn this one thing:
Before loving others, she must first learn to love herself well.
于老師（佩雯）在三十三歲時結婚，生了兒子小杰。那時候，她覺得自己工作好、家庭好，是個
很幸運的人。
但好景不常。小杰上小學二年級時，開始一直眨眼睛、清喉嚨，還會發出怪聲。醫生說，這是
「妥瑞氏症」。
老于（于老師老公）工作正在上升期壓力很大。家裡總要有人帶小杰去看病、做復健，還要應付
學校和鄰居的眼光。
于老師心一橫，決定辭掉她最愛的教書工作。
于老師變成了「全職媽媽」，她的世界從教室變成家裡這四面牆。
一個下大雨的晚上，小杰的病發作得特別嚴重，他在客廳裡大叫，還把桌上的水杯撞翻了，玻
璃碎了一地。
于老師已經好幾天沒睡好，她看到地上亂七八糟的樣子，心裡那根弦「啪」地斷了。她控制不
住地發抖，蹲在地上喘不過氣。
這時老于剛好回家，他看見亂七八糟的家，又累又氣，就對于老師說了重話：「老婆，妳能不能
控制一下情緒？孩子在看！」
于老師聽完，一句話也沒說，眼淚早就流乾了。她推開老于，直接走到臥室，關了燈，躺在床
上。
在那個完全黑暗的房間裡，她感到極度的害怕和無助。
在那個最孤單、最黑漆漆的時刻，于老師第一個想到的，不是她的老公，而是她的媽媽。
她不需要跟媽媽抱怨小杰的病，也不需要抱怨老公的冷漠。她只是想聽聽那個永遠帶著溫暖
的聲音。
于老師顫抖著手，撥通了媽媽的電話。
電話那頭傳來媽媽有點沙啞的聲音：「喂？怎麼這麼晚打來？妳那邊下雨嗎？」
于老師努力想開口說話，但喉嚨像被堵住了一樣，只能發出微弱的抽泣聲。
媽媽沒有追問發生了什麼。她只是安靜地聽著，然後，輕輕地說了兩句話：
「佩雯啊，累了就歇歇。睡吧，我的孩子。天大的事情，明天再說。」
聽到這兩句簡單的話，于老師的心裡忽然鬆了一大口氣。她感覺到自己好像又變回了那個五
歲、可以躲在媽媽身後的小女孩。她掛了電話，沒有再哭，疲憊地閉上了眼睛。
這通電話沒有解決任何問題，但它給了于老師一個「暫停鍵」她知道，不管外面的世界多亂，家
裡這扇門有多沉重，總有一個地方，有一份愛，會無條件地接住她。
第二天早上，于老師醒來，雖然眼睛還是腫的，但心裡平靜多了。她知道，路還很長，困難不會
消失。但至少，她現在有力氣重新站起來，先照顧好自己。
她走出臥室，看到老于正在笨手笨腳地收拾昨晚的碎玻璃，小杰在旁邊安靜地看著。
這一次，她沒有急著去幫忙，她先走進廚房，給自己倒了一杯溫開水。她決定，從今天開始，她
要慢慢學會：在愛別人之前，先好好愛自己。