Author: Lim Kay Min
My mother-in-law used to be a very good cook. Her house was the weekly gathering place for everyone. I remember the atmosphere at her house being very lively, and it encouraged bonding. Everyone looked forward to gathering at her place every weekend to enjoy good food and catch up.
Besides eating, she would involve both the adults and grandchildren in tasks that helped with her cooking, such as peeling garlic, washing vegetables, and making dumpling skins. This activity-based engagement promoted intergenerational relationships, as they learned from one another instead of just gathering to eat and then leaving.
However, a few years ago, when my mother-in-law’s mother passed away, she became a devoted Buddhist and turned vegetarian. Over time, she became more extreme in her practices, not allowing meat to be stored in her fridge or eaten in her house. She also began to “enforce” and “encourage” everyone to eat vegetarian with her at least once a year. Even during reunion dinners, she requested that the family eat vegetarian on that day.
While everyone tried to accommodate her, the vibe and atmosphere changed. It was no longer a lively and happy weekly gathering. Instead, it became more of a “lecture” session, where she would remind the younger ones about the negative effects of eating meat and set rules on how they should interact. Slowly but surely, we stopped gathering as often. It wasn’t that there wasn’t good food to eat (her vegetarian dishes were delicious too), but more that the atmosphere had changed. The younger ones began to see these visits as obligations rather than something to look forward to.
In turn, she also started to feel unhappy and unappreciated. I noticed the change in behavior and relationships. The cousins and younger family members were no longer as close, which was rather sad.
In recent years, things have improved slightly as she has grown more relaxed in her lectures and rules. Slowly, the old days of gathering have started to return, but some things cannot be undone.
