Author: Not Written
When I was very young, the structure of my family was different from that of most families. While I was still in kindergarten, I lived only with my father and my grandma. My grandpa had already passed away before I was born, so I have no memories of him at all. Grandma became the most important elder in my life and, to some extent, took on the role of a mother.
When I was little, the relationship between Grandma and me was not especially close. The main reason was the language barrier. Grandma could only speak Minnan (Taiwanese), which I did not understand, so communication between us was often fragmented. When she wanted to express concern or remind me of something, I could only guess at her meaning. This sense of “not understanding” created a distance between us, making our relationship unlike that of typical grandparents and grandchildren who can chat freely and easily. Even so, Grandma still gave me meticulous care in her own way. Like a shadow, she quietly filled the void left by my mother’s absence through the smallest details of daily life.
My parents divorced when I was very young, and my mother did not live with me. For a child, the separation of parents always brings an inexpressible sense of unease and loneliness. Fortunately, Grandma and my father did their best to make up for that loss. In everyday life, Grandma made sure that I never lacked food or clothing. No matter the family’s financial situation, she always tried her best to give me what she thought was the best. Although she was not a person of many words, through the meals she prepared for me and the clothes she carefully organized, I could feel the weight of her love.
In the third grade of elementary school, my life took a drastic turn. My father passed away due to stomach cancer. At that time, I was still very young. Although I understood that “death” meant never seeing him again, I still could not accept the reality in my heart. My father had been the pillar of the family. His passing not only left me devastated, but also plunged Grandma into deep worry. She knew that she was already old and feared that she would not be able to take care of me for long. Therefore, after my father passed away, she made a painful decision, to send me back to live with my mother. Although I could understand her intentions, I still felt a deep sense of reluctance at that time.
Even after we no longer lived together, the bond between Grandma and me did not disappear. I often used weekends to visit her or stay by her side for a few days. Every time we met, she would take me to eat my favourite foods, such as McDonald’s or pizza. Simple choices, yet ones filled with happiness. These small outings became the most precious memories of my childhood. Although she was not good at expressing herself in words, she always used actions to tell me, “I care about you.”
However, fate did not give us much time. When I was in the fifth grade of elementary school, Grandma suddenly suffered a stroke. From that moment on, her life completely changed. There was no one in the family who could take care of her long-term, so she had to be sent to a nursing home. For an elderly person, that period was lonely and difficult. I still remember the first time I went to visit her. It was incredibly painful for me. She sat on the bed with a vacant expression, no longer remembering many things. But what moved me the most was that she still clearly remembered me. Even though she had forgotten most of the people around her, and even the names of relatives, when she saw me, light instantly returned to her eyes. She tightly held my hand and, in a trembling yet firm voice, told me, “You must listen to your mom, behave yourself, and grow up well.”
These simple words of advice became the deepest anchor in my heart. At that time, Grandma’s life was already extremely fragile, yet she still devoted her last bit of strength to reminding me to walk my own path in life properly.
In the sixth grade of elementary school, I went to the nursing home to visit her once again, only to receive news that I could not bear. The staff told me that Grandma had already passed away. I stood there in shock, unable to react. My heart was filled with confusion and disbelief: Why had no one told me in advance? Why didn’t I get the chance to see her one last time? That feeling of being caught completely unprepared stayed with me for a very long time.
Even so, as time passed, I gradually learned to look at this experience from a different perspective. Grandma’s life was filled with hardship. She lost her spouse early in life, had to raise children during her middle years, and in her later years had to endure illness alone. Her life may not have been easy, but she used all her strength to leave her love with me. She was not only my grandma. At certain moments, she also became my mother.
Now, whenever I think back on fragments of my childhood, Grandma’s figure always appears before my eyes: taking me to eat foods I liked, holding my hand tightly in her hospital bed, reminding me in a gentle but firm tone to be sensible and obedient. Although she is no longer here, these moments feel engraved in my heart and have become a source of strength that helps me face life’s ups and downs.
I am grateful to Grandma, grateful that she gave me a childhood free from want, grateful that she silently watched over me when I was lonely and helpless. Although her life was not long, she left an indelible mark on my own. Grandma’s love for me was never diminished by the language barrier, nor did it disappear because of illness. She will forever be the warmest and strongest support in my heart.
Whenever I encounter difficulties or setbacks in the process of growing up, I often think of her. Thinking of how she once reminded me to behave well and to be strong, I tell myself that I must not disappoint Grandma’s expectations. Although she is no longer here, her spirit has already become part of my life.
Grandma may have been just an ordinary elderly woman, but to me, she was the guardian of my childhood and an indispensable presence in my life. Her life taught me what resilience is, what love is, and helped me understand the importance of cherishing what we have. To this day, I still remember Grandma with a heart full of gratitude. She is not only my grandma, but also the deepest source of strength along my path of growth.
(In the photo: my cousin is on the left, and my grandma is on the right. This is the only photo left.)
在我很小的時候，家裡的組成與一般家庭不同。我還在幼稚園時期，就只跟爸爸和阿嬤一起生
活。我的阿公在我出生前就已經去世了，所以我沒有任何關於阿公的記憶。阿嬤成了我生活中
最重要的長輩，也在某種程度上扮演了母親的角色。
小時候，我和阿嬤的感情並不是特別親近。最主要的原因是語言上的隔閡。阿嬤只會說閩南語
，而我聽不懂，所以我們在溝通上經常出現斷層。當她想要對我表達關心或提醒時，我往往只
能勉強猜測她的意思。這種「聽不懂」帶來的距離感，使得我們之間不像一般祖孫那樣能輕鬆
自在地聊天。然而，即便存在這樣的隔閡，阿嬤還是用她的方式，給了我無微不至的照顧。她
就像影子一樣，默默在生活的細節中填補了母親缺席的空白。
我的父母在我很小的時候就離婚了，母親沒有和我一起生活。對於一個孩子來說，父母的分開
總是帶來難以言喻的不安與孤單。但幸運的是，阿嬤和爸爸盡力彌補了那份缺憾。阿嬤會在日
常中，確保我衣食無缺，不管經濟條件如何，她總是盡可能給我最好的。雖然她話不多，但從
她為我準備的飯菜、整理的衣物中，我感受得到那份沉甸甸的愛。
小學三年級時，人生出現了巨大的轉折。爸爸因為胃癌離開了我。那時候我年紀還小，雖然懂
得「死亡」代表著再也見不到，但心裡仍然無法接受現實。爸爸是家裡的支柱，他的離開不僅讓
我感到失落，也讓阿嬤陷入深深的擔憂。她知道自己年紀大了，害怕無法長久照顧我。於是，
在爸爸去世後，她做出了一個艱難的決定，把我送回媽媽身邊生活。雖然我能理解她的用心，
但那時候的我還是有些不捨。
即使不再同住，我和阿嬤的連結並沒有因此消失。我常常利用假日回去探望她，或是住在她身
邊幾天。每次見面，她總會帶我去吃我最喜歡的食物，例如麥當勞、披薩這些簡單卻充滿快樂
的選擇。這些小小的外出成了我童年最珍貴的回憶。她雖然不擅長表達，但總會透過實際行動
來告訴我：「我在意你。」
然而，命運並沒有給我們太多時間。在我小學五年級時，阿嬤突然中風了。那一次，她的生活
完全改變了。家裡沒有人能長時間照顧她，只能把她送進養老院。對一個年紀不小的老人來說
，那是一段孤單而艱辛的日子。記得我第一次去探望她時，心裡很不是滋味。她坐在床上，神
情呆滯，很多事情都不再記得。但最讓我動容的是，她竟然還清楚地記得我。即使她忘了身邊
大多數的人，甚至是親戚的名字，但她看見我時，眼神瞬間有了光。她會緊緊握著我的手，語
氣顫抖卻堅定地告訴我：「要乖乖聽媽媽的話，好好長大。」
這些簡單的叮嚀，成了我心裡最深刻的寄託。阿嬤的生命在那時候已經非常脆弱，但她仍然把
最後的心力，用在提醒我走好自己的人生。
小學六年級時，我再一次去養老院探望她，卻得知了一個讓我無法承受的消息。院方人員告訴
我，阿嬤已經離開了。當下的我愣在原地，無法反應。我心裡充滿錯愕與疑惑：為什麼沒有人事
先告訴我？為什麼我沒有機會見她最後一面？那種措手不及的心情，讓我難過了很久。
儘管如此，隨著時間的推移，我慢慢學會以另一種角度看待這段經歷。阿嬤一生辛苦，早年承
受喪偶的痛苦，中年又要撫養子女，晚年還必須獨自承擔病痛。她的人生或許不輕鬆，但她用
盡全力把愛留給了我。她不僅是我的阿嬤，更在某些時刻成了我的媽媽。
如今，每當我回想起童年的片段，總會浮現阿嬤的身影。她帶我去吃喜歡的東西，她在病床上
緊握我手的畫面，她提醒我要懂事聽話的語氣。雖然她已經離開了，但這些片段彷彿刻在心底
，成為我面對人生起伏的力量來源。
我感謝阿嬤，感謝她給了我一個衣食無缺的童年，感謝她在我孤單無助時默默守護。她的一生
雖然短暫，但卻在我生命中留下了不可磨滅的印記。阿嬤對我的愛，沒有因為語言的隔閡而減
少，也沒有因為病痛而消失。她永遠是我心中最溫暖、最堅強的依靠。
當我在成長過程中遇到困難或挫折時，我常常會想起她。想到她曾經提醒我要乖、要堅強，我
就會告訴自己：不可以辜負阿嬤的期待。雖然她不在了，但她的精神，已經融入了我的生命。
阿嬤或許只是平凡的一位老人，但對我而言，她是我童年的守護者，是我生命中不可或缺的角
色。她的一生，教會了我什麼是堅毅、什麼是愛，也讓我明白了珍惜的重要。
直到今天，我依然懷著感恩的心，懷念著阿嬤。她不只是我的阿嬤，更是我成長路上最深刻的
力量。
(左邊是堂哥、右邊是阿嬤）身邊只有這張照片了